Tears

Today I cried happy tears.

It is the first time since Taylor has been born that the tears have been out of joy.

There have been tears of fear from hearing her heart rate drop during labor.

Scared tears after finding out that I was going to have an unexpected c-section.

Tears of utter grief after learning immediately that Taylor has Down Syndrome.

Tears that ripped my heart out from thinking about all the dreams and hope that we had for her were going to change.

Tears of heartache thinking that people might look at her differently instead of just a normal baby.

There have been the tears of frustration because I was tired from waking up in the middle of the night.

Tears of feeling like I wasn’t doing a good enough job.

There were just so many tears.

But today, they were happy tears.

Because I realized just how many people love her.

Because she amazes me every day with how much she can already do.

Because I love her more than I can ever put into words.

Because when she looks at me, I feel like this is what my life was meant for. To be her mommy.

Because my life feels so much more complete.

Because she is so beautiful.

Because my hopes and dreams for her haven’t really changed, just tweaked a little bit.

Because I get to spend the rest of my life being in utter and complete love with Brian and Taylor.